![]() The only reason Chuck Norris is so homophobic is that he's taken way too many blows to the head.Ĭhuck Norris once attempted autoerotic asphyxiation like David Carradine. The building immediately exploded, because that much raw egotism cannot be contained in one place.Ĭhuck Norris is a creationist because he's in denial about the fact that he wouldn't have been born without some drunkard screwing a monkey.Ĭhuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and curl up into a fetal position. Okay, that's actually not a joke.Ĭhuck Norris dresses up like a cowboy because, like cattle, he generates a lot of methane and even more bullshit.Ĭhuck Norris and Donald Trump once walked into a bar together. That lasted until Chuck stubbed his toe and nearly bled to death.Ĭhuck Norris once sold his soul to the Devil, who then auctioned it off to Mike Huckabee. There's nothing to hit down there.Ĭhuck Norris once tried to imitate Jackie Chan by doing all his own stunts. You can't defeat Chuck Norris with a kick to the groin. He held up a pair of child safety scissors and his beard retreated under his skin. When the zombies came to eat his brains, they starved to death.Ĭhuck Norris used to count sheep to fall asleep, but they kept making him horny.Ĭhuck Norris didn't actually shave his beard. He stares at them… and drools.Ĭhuck Norris once saved the world from a zombie apocalypse. Loser had to start wearing a silly cowboy hat.Ĭhuck Norris doesn't read books. When it comes to Chuck Norris, the term FACTS is an acronym for Fabrications And Completely Thoughtless Statements.Ĭhuck Norris and Superman once fought on a bet.
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